即将离开这个热带小岛，回不回来还是个未知数。竟然已经开始怀念。
MacRitchie Reservoir的绿地与湖水。
Botanic Gardens的野餐和漫步。
MBS与Gardens by the Bay的日与夜。
Esplanade后庭的露天舞台及靠海长廊。
National Gallery大厅里的大提琴演奏。
Gillman Barracks偶遇的volunteer guide.
Marina Barrage上空带着夜灯的风筝。
Sentosa明媚的下午和悠然的夜晚。
Fort Canning的露天表演。
Rochester Park的林间小径和松鼠们。
Istana Park那间被落地窗和小池塘环绕的画室。
National Museum到SMU再到Raffles City的那一小段路。
Raffles Place地铁站里每天立在扶梯前微笑说早安的staff。
公司楼下每次打包盒饭都要问我“吃得完吗”的收银员姐姐。
甚至是办公室窗户望出去的那一艘艘货轮集装箱。
周六下午去Gillman Barracks看草间弥生的展览，意外发现那边竟是一个类似798的展览园区。逛完不大的展厅，我们决定去附近另一间探索一下。走到门口，偶遇一位芬兰女士，脖子上挂着Volunteer Guide的名牌。交谈片刻，得知她原本与5位访客约好时间要带他们入馆游览，没成想被放了鸽子。于是与一无所知的我们一拍即合。接下来的两个小时在她的带领与讲解下，比原先的漫无目的自然是有趣了许多。而我们能遇见彼此也是互为幸运吧。真是人生处处有惊喜。
前两日，老板转告我的一件事也令我欣喜了一整晚。虽然眼下的情况注定我不会更改已作出的决定，然而被肯定被欣赏的感觉实在是很好，尤其当这种肯定来自一个交情并不深的人时，更显可贵。
周末前又收到一个朋友的拜托。尽管有着因为客观原因而看起来更合适的人选，朋友还是选择了求助于我。这样子的信任，让我觉得一点小麻烦真的不算什么。
只是这样一些零碎的小事，却能让我开心不已。这么说来，我倒是个挺容易知足的人呢不是吗。
上周六去公司，监督整个搬运过程，测试电脑，种种。不过是从二十楼搬到二十二楼，却也消磨掉了整个半天。在卫生间里碰见那个东北来的保洁阿姨，想起她说过并不负责二十二楼，一向不喜跟人搭话的我主动开口跟她打了招呼，零零碎碎聊了几句。才知道她在这里每天工作时长比本地人要长，工资却更低，只因为中介那里交过不菲佣金，于是只能按原计划干满几年再考虑回国事宜。总记得她在洗手液旁留的那张字条，多么仔细贴心的一个人。
今天礼拜一。清晨去上班，Raffles Place的自动扶梯前照例站着那个和蔼可亲的阿姨，仍然穿着那一身暗红色工作服。她一如既往地向每一个人点头微笑，可并没有如常说着”Thanks for coming back to work”，而是一句”Friday is my last day”。我疑惑她是否即将退休要去安享晚年，可她明明看起来还算年轻。也罢，怎样都好，她的笑容、她的语气，莫不透露出足够的轻松。无须旁人担心。
上午收到一封群发的farewell email，来自与我同时段初入职的同事，年龄亦相仿。这些年，他倒是不曾离开过，这是第一次。并没有询问新的去处，总归是更好的地方吧，我猜。至少当下应如是。
在这个时间节点上，所有的这些别离，于我而言，都仿佛带了些许宿命的意味。尽管非此即彼的结论还带着疑问尚未被完全解答，年内离开的计划已然确之凿凿。心中自然有兴奋、有期许，不多，但总归是有的。却也明白不论是哪一个选项，未来仍然有太多的不确定。往往，现实也应验了那一句”It was romantic because it didn’t happen”。而此刻的我，似乎更愿意相信: Change is good, no matter what.
The following letter is from Robert and Michelle King, Creators and Executive Producers of The Good Wife, on the series finale.
Dearest Good Wife Friends,
“Thank you” is easy. “Goodbye” is harder.
Thank you for an extraordinary seven seasons of support, encouragement, and commitment to The Good Wife. To say that we could not have done this without you is an understatement.
This is the second time we’ve written you about the creative decisions involved with The Good Wife:—the first was with the end of Will Gardner; now it’s with the end of the series. Both goodbyes involved difficult decisions, and if you found some value in the earlier explanation, you might find some in this one.
We wanted this series—a series that stretched over 156 episodes—to have some shape, some structural meaning. So after we realized we wouldn’t be cancelled after 13 episodes, we started to devise a vanishing point we could write toward. That structure, in our minds, was simple. The show would start with a slap and end with a slap. Each slap would involve Alicia. This would be the bookend. She would slap someone who victimized her at the beginning of the series; and she would be slapped by someone she “victimized” at the end.
In this way, the victim would become the victimizer. This is the education of Alicia Florrick.
Alicia’s character, to us, was about change. Each season she made choices she could never have made the season before. So over the course of seven years, she became tougher, more powerful, more cunning. Of course, we loved Alicia for this. Each decision made sense in the moment, and we forgave her or congratulated her each time. Even her decision in this last episode—the one that resulted in Diane being hurt—came out of her parental need to keep Grace from following in her path. She didn’t want Grace to put her future on hold in order to stand by Peter.
But together all these decisions, legitimate as they were, added up to a character who was becoming more desensitized to her impact. She was becoming more and more like her husband, and, ultimately, Diane was the collateral damage.
That we found interesting. Over seven years could you completely remake your character? Could a victim become a victimizer?
(By the way, parenthetically, that’s the cool thing about TV. It allows you to develop a concept that more resembles life. A character keeps changing over the course of seven years, but instead of reading about it in a novel over a weekend, you experience it over the actual seven years—with actors who age along with their characters—except for Grace who seemed to be 15-years-old for a few years. Sorry.)
One theme we kept returning to over and over in the series was: politics isn’t out there. It’s not something that happens in D.C. or on the news. It happens in our offices, our homes, our marriages. That’s why we ended the series the way we did. Alicia is no longer a victim of politics. She is someone who takes charge, someone who controls the agenda.
On one level this is empowering. It allowed Alicia to control her fate. But it also changed her. Ironically, at the exact moment she found the power to leave Peter, she realized she had become Peter.
And that’s tragic. Yes, Alicia’s story contains tragedy. We still love her. And we hope you do too. The ending is supposed to be unsettling. But we don’t think characters need to avoid tragedy to be embraced. We were tempted to have Alicia chase after a man in the end—stop him from getting on a train or an airplane at the last minute, hold him, kiss him. We like those endings. But there was something false about it here. It isn’t who Alicia is. In the end, the story of Alicia isn’t about who she’ll be with; it’s about who she’ll be.
There is hope in the ending too—we believe. Alicia composes herself and marches toward the future. The two slaps to our mind are chapter endings and headings. If the slap that started the series woke Alicia up—helped her overcome her naivety about her husband and the world’s corruption—then this second slap wakes her up to her own culpability. The question is what will she do with that?
Anyway, we should leave it there. We loved writing this series. We loved the comedy, the drama, the tragedy. We loved the lion telephone with Glenn Childs’ voice. Elsbeth Tascioni facing off with Bob Balaban. Moo Cow. Eli’s raised eyebrow. The Sexual harassment video Alicia and Will were forced to watch. Will clearing Alicia’s desk. Cary’s trip on mushrooms. Diane’s weakness for guns. The YouTube videos the NSA guys sent back and forth.
It’s hard to not write for these characters anymore. They seem very real to us—as if we’ll turn a corner at the market and find Patti Nyholm there shopping for diapers; or turn another corner and find Judge Abernathy Feeling the Bern.
We’ve had fun. Thank you for having fun with us. We’ve also felt sad. Drama embraces both. So thank you for feeling sad with us too. And mostly, thank you for allowing these characters into your home every week for seven years.
It’s been an honor to write for them, as well as for you.
With all our gratitude and affection,
Robert & Michelle King
这阵子因为一直忙着，TBBT落下好多集没有看，但是早就猜到并且已被剧透了Sheldon与Amy的复合。所以真正去看S9EP10之前，并没有料到竟然会因为他俩和好如初的场面感动得哭出来，——更何况是那么带着尴尬喜感的场面。
动容之处大概还是在于：知己难寻，得而不易。可是我知道，假如面前站着一个如前几集里那样实在讨人嫌的Sheldon, 我是断然不愿像Amy那样毫不犹豫地张开双臂迎接他的，管他是不是此生唯一的soulmate呢。
然而，近来愈发觉得：过去曾被我瞧不起的各种“凑合”，是不是有个别名叫做“忍耐”？以及，或许它才是爱的永恒主题？
科学如是说：爱是由一个个micro-moment of positively resonance构成, 也即是说所谓“爱”从来都不是一个连贯的状态。有时爱，有时不爱，甚而至于有时相互厌恶。如若缺乏足够的忍耐，怕是真的很难携手走完一生。
想来，一直痴迷于《甜蜜与卑微》这个名字，不外乎是执着于二者之间的反差罢了。在我一直以来的世界观里，它们的共存本身就有着无与伦比的荒诞感与悲剧感。然而，涉及自身之时，却是无力感居多。
Channel: C-SPAN
Date: 02/13/2009
Transcript:
Madam Speaker, I have a few questions for my colleagues.
What if our foreign policy of the past century is deeply flawed and has not served our national security interest?
What if we wake up one day and realize that the terrorist threat is the predictable consequence of our meddling in the affairs of others, and has nothing to do with us being free and prosperous?
What if propping up repressive regimes in the Middle East endangers both the United States and Israel?
What if occupying countries like Iraq and Afghanistan and bombing Pakistan is directly related to the hatred directed toward us?
What if someday it dawns on us that losing over 5,000 American military personnel in the Middle East since 9/11 is not a fair tradeoff with the loss of nearly 3,000 American citizens no matter how many Iraqi, Pakistanian, Afghan people are killed or displaced?
What if we finally decide that torture, even if called “enhanced interrogation technique”, is self-destructive and produces no useful information and that contracting it out to a third world nation is just as evil?
What if it is finally realized that war and military spending is always destructive to the economy?
What if all war-time spending is paid for through the deceitful and evil process of inflating and borrowing?
What if we finally see that war-time conditions always undermine personal liberty?
What if Conservatives who preach small government wake up and realize that our interventionist foreign policy provides the greatest incentive to expand the government?
What if Conservatives understood once again that their only logical position is to reject military intervention and managing an empire throughout the world?
What if the American people woke up and understood that the official reasons for going to war are almost always based on lies and promoted by war propaganda in order to serve special interests?
What if we as a nation came to realize that the quest for empire eventually destroys all great nations?
What if Obama has no intention of leaving Iraq?
What if a military draft is being planned for for the wars that would spread if our foreign policy is not changed?
What if the American people learned the truth, that our foreign policy has nothing to do with national security, that it never changes from one administration to the next?
What if war in preparation for war is a racket serving the special interests?
What if President Obama is completely wrong about Afghanistan and it turns out worse than Iraq and Vietnam put together?
What if Christianity actually teaches peace and not preventive wars of aggression?
What if diplomacy is found to be superior to bombs and bribes in protecting America?
What happens if my concerns are completely unfounded?
Nothing.
But what happens if my concerns are justified and ignored?
Nothing good.
And I yield back the balance of my time.
春天不是读书天，秋天也不是。临考前两个星期熬夜追完一部50多集的电视剧，我也是服了自己。考出来一个鸡肋无比的分数，也怪不得别人。
懒散惯了的人，突然要打起精神抛开杂念、持续地付出努力，还真不是件易事。但是，偶尔，在一整个没有打岔的下午之后，心里会生发出一种久违的成就感。虚度人生总是件可怖的事情，尽管我仍然没弄清人生的终极意义。
前阵子跟C去听龙应台的讲座，没有预料到竟然动用了一千六百座的讲堂，并且座无虚席，甚至还另外开设了一间视频直播室以接待无法进入现场的人潮。我们身边坐着一位中年女士，看起来是华人模样，耳旁却戴着即时翻译器，想来是不通华语吧。
提问环节有很多雷点。可是又觉得他们认真提问，并不应得嘲笑。提问者们多为已在海外旅居多年的华人或因祖辈移民至此而土生土长的第几代华人。他们多抱着相同的困惑：困惑于自己的身份认同，困惑于自己乃至后代的文化归属。
C告诉我说，假如以后有了孩子是一定会教它自己故乡的方言的，否则会因为这种缺失而可惜。我想了想，觉得自己倒没有这样的执念。这一年来，也不再有先前那样的困惑与纠结。未来仍然有许多的不确定性，我仍然不知自己会择哪一城终老，然而心里却是前所未有的安然。此心安处是吾乡。
SG50之际举行的大选毫无悬念地结束了。因为所有公民要去各自选区投票而多出的一天公共假期，我作为一个提不起兴趣的局外人，倒是忽然来了兴致去youtube上搜Donald Trump参选相关的视频。
原为博一乐而已，注意力却很快转移到了Ron Paul这个上届选举时就已满头白发的小老头。一直没有太关注共和党内的竞争，曾经听过这个名字也从来没在意。一连串视频看下来，他倒的确是够consistent，在各大议题上立场坚定30年不改，唯一算得上重大的转变也不过是形式上的 — from Libertarian Party to Republican Party, while he has remained a distinct outlier in Republican Party over the years.
那两届大选前共和党内的辩论，Ron Paul的敏捷思维及直戳重点的发言常常让人看得很燃。某次CNN试图强行插入网友提问以中断老头的回答，结果被现场观众集体boo了回去。可是不讨媒体喜欢同时得不到党内支持终究是大忌吧，所以他陪考了这么多年。今年已然八十的他断然不会再上阵，新上场的儿子看上去并不是跟他爹走一个路线的，温和许多，也乏味许多。
刨除个人喜好，我却并不太看好Ron Paul那么激进的自由派路线，感觉他的很多理念是理想主义思维过剩的产物，真要实施起来的话即使不出大乱也是困难重重。
近两年慢慢意识到民主制度较之于一党专政制度存在一个很大的缺陷，即：权力的不断更替使得任一长期目标难以得到实现，除非各党派之间有共识，否则，左八年右八年来来去去不过是挖坑填坑。
最近做的一个测试把我定性为温和右派。而事实是这么些年我觉得自己越来越没有立场了，越来越困惑于什么样的制度才算是一个好的制度。或许，可能，并不存在一个完美的制度或社会体系。
回家省亲期间闲来无事看了883，又照例去网上翻了翻评论，瞥到一票腐女萌军烨CP，觉得无法理解。念书的时候也看过《蓝宇》的，并没有被感动到，甚至连故事情节都已遗忘。
晚上回来出于好奇，突发奇想把这片子搜出来想回顾一下，然后居然就默默地把它给看完了。蓝宇总说“我是不是有病啊”。我觉得我才有病呢。几个小时前面对朋友的邀约才说不想熬夜来着，这一来，对自己许诺过的早睡早起又泡汤了。
故事进行到一半的时候竟然哭了，也是有点莫名其妙。我的泪点为什么总跟笑点一样奇怪。看<Amour>里老头扇老太太那一巴掌，我立马哭得伤心又绝望。
不过，近来心情大好，偶尔这么哭一哭宣泄一下情绪也不错吧。
某个周末在画室里忽然听到Colors of the Wind的旋律，心里霎时激动起来。多年前头一次听到这首歌便喜欢上了，并且在我的整个中学时代占据着第一名的位置。而那个下午原本因为当下这一幅画作进度缓慢而产生的烦躁情绪也就轻易被抚平了。
把手机里一直用的默认屏保换成了疑似Klimt所作的一幅画，睡前泡一杯热牛奶，也都觉得很幸福。
我很高兴这样子零零碎碎的小情绪又回来了。嗯，就算是有病，我也要做个快乐的病人。
1. 那天中午搭电梯时瞥到屏幕上的新闻标题是Clinton declared running. 我首先联想到的仍是那个前总统，接着马上默默嘲笑了下自己，毕竟早上才在手机里刷过headline了啊。假如希拉里这次能当选，倒是真能在历史上留下浓重的一笔。再过半个世纪，人们能记起的大概只会是美国历史上第一任女总统而不是那个因为性丑闻而下台的男人。可是，在那之前，她恐怕永远也只能有些尴尬地作为这个姓氏的一个附属而存在吧。
2. Sheldon向着Gollum说”you’re an expert on rings, what do I do with this one?”的时候真的好令人唏嘘。那么多人到现在都还是不喜欢Amy这个角色。作为曾经的Shenny粉，我现在真的更支持Amy和Sheldon的这种关系。人生难得一知己。况且，虽然他俩都是死理性派，对对方却都有柔情感性的一面。那种完全理解与信任的感觉是我一直所推崇与追求的。
3. 才意识到，看电影这件事情本身似乎足够cheer me up. 《颐和园》那么灰暗的片子，我看完后竟然睡了个难得的好觉，第二天早上起来精神奕奕干劲满满。
4. 印度来的Stand-up comedian一提起李光耀的名字，全场就进入了silent mode. 其实小哥才开了个头说到democratic，看这情形，只好作罢。
5. “What is it with all these tough-talking women?” ——听到这句简直要笑死，同时又多希望我能往这个方向靠近一些。不同的老板都有建议过我让我学着aggressive一点，可是似乎真的不是一件容易的事。其实还是更希望成为Diane那样的女人, intelligent, independent and assertive, 哪怕心怀理想的浪漫主义者成不了人生赢家。
6. 《Silicon Valley》S2愈发无聊起来，不知季终是否该弃。
鸢 